New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
