My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
