My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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