i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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