Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
