Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
tell me about the fingering
Randomize