He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
