pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
