just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
