The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
