U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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