I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
