Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize