your parents love me but you hate me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
