I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
