Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
