dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
