Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
