we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
