It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize