3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize