I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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