i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
