I just threw up on my dentist
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
