You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
