I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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