i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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