bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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