dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
