Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
