yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
