that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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