dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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