I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
