Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
