If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
