She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
