Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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