Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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