I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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