dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
