Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
