you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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