Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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