My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Small penises have feelings too.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
