Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
