she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize