All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
