they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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