remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it's like heaven, but drunker
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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