alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Will exercising make me less horny?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
