he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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