I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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