I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
