he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
