Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
