she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
