Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
