Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
