I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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