Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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