Umm I'm too high to move.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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