My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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