You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize