i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
