ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
